BOUNDARIES - Digna Sinke
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Boundaries
The boundaries of my garden
My territory
Outside it: the others
The rest of the world
Inside it: order
My order
I don’t decide if silver drops should be on the leaves
I don’t decide how much rain will fall
I don’t decide when seeds will germinate
I don’t decide where pimpernel comes up, or chickweed, or nipplewort, or saltbush
But I do interfere
I take my hoe and cut away the weeds
Or sometimes I don’t
Let it go, I think, let it go.
Each leaf is bounded by itself.
The boundaries of the leaf
The boundaries of the flower
The boundaries of the hedge
The boundaries of earth and sky
The boundaries of light and dark
The boundaries of night and day
The boundaries of land and water
The boundaries of water and sky
The boundaries of light and dark
The boundaries of the shadows
The boundlessness without shadows
The boundaries of my body
The boundaries of day
The boundaries of night
The longing to stay in the light
To the lighthouse, to the lighthouse
Some things I would not dare write down even in my little diary
and I would not dare read out what I do write down.
Rare moments of surrender
Let it go, let it go
Touching your body
My tongue across your skin
Licking the salt from it
Cuddling up to you
Boundaries in time
Let it go, let it go
Markers
Past
But not inside
Not inside my head.
Unbearable longing for what I cannot name
Must not, dare not, cannot.
The boundaries of the leaves
The boundaries of the light
The boundaries of my body
The boundaries of my inner world.
Chained inside myself
Locked inside my boundaries.
Nothing changed.
Nothing learned.
And somewhere hidden inside
The flying out, to the light, to the light
But only inside
Never outside.
I don’t say what I think
I don’t say what I feel
The words for it are impossible
The boundaries aren’t crossed
The order remains
Chaos only deep inside.
Embrace the chaos.
Embrace the darkness.